Please understand that at this point, I am still numb. My mother died between 8 am and 11 am PST. Yes, it is natural for children to bury their parents, but I have lost both of mine at young ages (54 & 65). There is no discernible cause of death.
By my belief system (Pagan) , my mother is now in the Summerlands where she will examine her Akashic Records and her life before being reincarnated By my belief system, death is but the next step in an eternal journey. That does little to help those left behind. I am riddled with questions:
- did she suffer
- did she know she was my entire universe
- is there something I could have done
- what do I do now…
While there are a million practical details to sort out, I find myself not yet up to the task. I also find myself unable to find beauty in this death. Right now, above all things, I want the one person whom I have always turned to with my troubles and my broken hearts.
I want my mommy.